As I sit here at 4:11am, it’s fair to say that I’m reasonably frustrated with the sleeping (or lack thereof) habits of our child.

We decided 22 months ago to co-sleep for reasons which at the time seemed prudent.  Unfortunately, we seem to have missed the golden opportunity to transition our daughter (V) out of our bed and into her own.  Sure, we tried, but couldn’t stomach the though of her “crying it out,” a process that seems to fall under the definition of “cruel and unusual.”  I may have to revisit that assessment.

We had an amazing recent run there for 4 days or so where I was actually able to rock her back to sleep after we laid her down in her bed.  In fact, she had only got up once and didn’t even need to nurse (“we’re” still doing that as well).  I felt pretty proud of that, as my wife was finally able to get some decent sleep.  My vigilance kept me up more than normal since I would try and intercept her while she was still in a sleepy state and rock her back to dreamland.  But I figured the supposed 10-day re-training period would pay off bigger dividends in the end.

But then, 2 nights ago, an ill-fated and sleep-deprived decision set us back.  V walked over to our bed, and before I knew what I was doing, I had pulled her into bed with us.

And now we’re back to square one.

V will scream if she doesn’t get to nurse (again), and not only does that inevitably wake us up for the next couple of hours, but it sure makes me feel useless again as she won’t even let me hold her during one of these tantrums.  Or, worse yet, she wakes up screaming from night terrors. I mean, WTH does a toddler have running through her mind to put in her in a spastic state of utter fear?  (That’s just heartbreaking if you have a shred of humanity).

We’re read several books on the various methods of transitioning her out of our bed and into her own, and we know it’s not going to be a painless transition.  But for someone who was already an insomniac, I find myself running on fumes more often than not, and desperately looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Every child is different, and we’ve heard stories of success and continued challenges, but man, what I wouldn’t give for that elusive night’s sleep.

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